How do you summarise the life of an amazing person in only 15 minutes and do it justice? Well, I’ll try. I’ll share some factual information about Maria, followed by: (i) a summary of her battle; (ii) the things she loved; (iii) what I loved about her; and (iv) how the kids and I are coping.
Maria was born in Sydney at Crown Street Women’s Hospital on Friday, August 28, 1970. At that time her parents (Baba and Mama) and sister Effie were living in Marrickville. Maria would return to the suburb many years later to rent our first place together after our honeymoon.
Maria started her schooling at Randwick Endeavour Primary School in 1976. In her final year she was the School’s as Vice Captain. She then went on to Sydney Girls’ High School from 1983-88. In her final year she was a Prefect. She also worked part time in the pay office of Bondi Junction Grace Bros (now Myer) during the latter half of her high school years.
While escorting a friend to her Year 12 formal, I met a young lady of radiant beauty with an infectious smile, genuine warmth and stunning green eyes. I was immediately won over. It’s not hard to work out to whom I’m referring.
After performing very well in her HSC, Maria chose to study a Bachelor of Social Work at Sydney University, which she commenced in 1989 – a memorable year as we also started dating. Maria graduated in 1992.
In 1993 Maria secured her first job as a Social Worker at Bowral Hospital in the NSW Southern Highlands. The following year (1994) she felt called to move on and secured a position, ironically, as an Oncology, Haematology and Palliative Care Social Worker in Port Macquarie (NSW mid-north coast). In November of that year we were engaged. Because of our pending marriage and the distance between us, Maria returned to Sydney to continue her career at Liverpool Hospital in areas including ICU and A&E.
We married six months later on May 13, 1995 – six years after we started dating. After a 6-month backpacking honeymoon Maria returned to work at Liverpool Hospital, this time in Maternity (another of her passions) until we moved to the Central Coast (north of Sydney) in 1997. Because of her experience in hospital positions, and in my view being naturally gifted in her vocation, she was employed by Gosford Hospital. By the end of that year she was offered a newly created position in the Hospital’s Diabetes Team.
We spent the second half of 1998 on another European backpacking adventure. Maria returned to work for a few months before falling pregnant with Ben in April 1999. Due to severe and constant nausea and vomiting, she was unable to continue paid work.
Our dear son Benjamin was born at Gosford Hospital on January 8, 2000. He missed being a new millennium baby by a week. Ben’s birth prompted a re-think of family priorities because of my work demands. I was fortunate to secure a 3-year work secondment in Canberra. We moved in August.
Our move to Canberra would bring many more exciting changes. Maria had attended churches while growing up, but had never experienced a personal relationship with Jesus. As she was searching for God, she asked many questions of our dear friends Janelle and David who were very patient with her. Upon learning of our move to Canberra they encouraged Maria to look for an “Alpha” course. As it happened, in early 2001 God put Maria into the path of another dear friend, Jane, whose church was holding such a course. Maria signed up and I decided to go with her. She was excited that I was to accompany her, not realising that my motives as a self-professed atheist was to prevent her from being brain-washed. God had other plans. We both had our brains “washed clean” and committed our lives to Christ. This was the same year we bought our first (and current) home.
Excited by our new faith, we involved ourselves in a number of ministries, but to a great extent we did these separately. Maria fell pregnant in early 2002 and again after more ongoing nausea and vomiting, our dear daughter Gabriella was born at John James Hospital here in Canberra on October 9.
As we now felt called to remain in Canberra we realised I needed to find a permanent job otherwise we’d be returning to Sydney. God had it all under control as I was approached by a Govt department (now my current employer) and offered a position. We never imagined that this would eventually take our family overseas.
After Ben started school in 2005, we felt it was time to find a ministry we could do together that would bless others and make a difference. We were led to running “The Marriage Course”, which in many ways blessed our own marriage. We would continue the ministry until moving abroad 2yrs later.
It was in December 2006 when we learnt that we had eight months to prepare for life and work in the Holy Land.
Our move to Israel in August 2007 would transform us individually and collectively. Gabi started her schooling there. Both kids adjusted well to a new way of life. For us it was not only a time to experience life overseas from a professional and cultural perspective, but to visit a country that was so exciting and filled with so much history and places to visit that we’d only read about in the Bible. For the kids the Bible came alive as they could visualise what we read. Maria and I realised after a number of conversations that these sites around the country opened doors for discussion. Our confidence to share the “Good News” in a loving and meaningful way grew.
We were nothing short of blessed with the people that we met in Israel. We became part of an expatriate church community that was a “once in a lifetime experience”. It was a body of believers in action. We still remain in close contact with those brothers and sisters who blessed our family in countless ways. I still fondly miss them. Outside of our church community Maria also developed many other beautiful relationships, particularly with Ruthie, an Israeli photographer and poet who Maria worked with for some time.
Maria’s battle
Maria became unwell on February 21, 2009 (i.e. last year). Before this she had never suffered any serious illness – not even a stitch or a broken bone. In a short time we would find ourselves visiting specialists and having scans before Maria was admitted to Tel HaShomer Hospital on the outskirts of Tel Aviv on the night of the 24th. An MRI conducted the next morning revealed what we would later learn to be Glioblastoma Multiforme (aka GBM), a Grade IV malignant brain tumour – the worst one to have. The cancerous tumour was bi-frontal and required immediate surgery. The neurosurgeon saved Maria’s life. Had they not operated, she would have probably died within a week or two. Praise God for this, the first of a string of miracles.
At the end of May after 3 months of concomitant chemo and radiotherapy, and our Hebrew put to the test each day, we returned to Australia. Little did we know that we were about to face many more challenges so soon.
By the end of our first week back in the country an MRI showed what appeared to be a recurrence of the mass. We were faced with the choice of more brain surgery, otherwise she’d die within what they initially thought would be a few weeks.
June 15 saw Maria undergo her second craniotomy. However, this time she was awake for four hours of the six-hour surgery. The neurosurgeon found a massive cerebral abscess and it took a huge effort to remove as much of the GBM and infection as possible, while minimising potential brain damage. We were told after the surgery that it was quite possible she would have died within two or three days had they not operated then. Another miracle.
We were also told that the surgery would give her a little more time, but she wasn’t expected to live to see Christmas. Ironically, people treated for cerebral infections can live longer as was the case for Maria.
We praised God that after two major brain surgeries Maria had only minor neurological deficits. I also thank God that Maria suddenly found a love for sport and would watch it all the time. There is a debate as to whether this was a deficit, or in my view, an enhancement.
Maria now sported a titanium plate in the front of her skull. She had five cycles of chemo, during which time we were blessed to celebrate my 40th, Maria’s 39th and Gabi’s 7th birthdays. There was also a period of stability in the brain tumour, which was yet another miracle in the face of adversity.
Maria would eventually present with new symptoms that led to the discovery of a new tumour inside her spinal cord. Five weeks of radiotherapy was unsuccessful with Maria losing her mobility.
In early January we met with Maria’s oncologist. Maria bravely decided to cease any further chemotherapy as the new options had less guarantees but more side effects, her body was tired, and she wanted some quality time with us. The four of us celebrated Ben’s 10th birthday on the Friday before Maria went into the Hospice on the following Monday for what was to be some respite. An MRI conducted on Ben’s birthday showed that the cancer in Maria’s brain and spinal cord had progressed, with even worse news that it had spread in and further down her spinal cord.
Maria had her first peaceful night’s sleep for some time. Then at 7:30am last Wednesday, January 20, after more than a week at the Hospice and an 11-month battle against such an aggressive cancer, the Lord took Maria home to be with Him. This also happened to be my dad’s 80th birthday.
So what did Maria enjoy?
This is not listed in any particular order. Firstly, she loved to travel. Our 1990 trip to Fiji was my first overseas (she was already a seasoned traveller by then). We followed that with trips to New Zealand in 1991, New Caledonia in 1994 (where I proposed to her on a secluded beach), and two lengthy European trips (1995 & 1998). We also travelled around parts of Australia.
Maria’s dream to live and work overseas was realised in 2007. Our time in Israel also enabled us to visit Jordan, Egypt, and to introduce the kids to family in Germany and Greece. We had many more trips planned, but became impossible after her diagnosis.
What about chocolate? It’s no secret that Maria was a big fan. Such was her passion that it became part of our travel experience. I remember:
· in 1995 we made a major detour across England to visit the Cadbury factory in Bournville (Birmingham) and bought a lot of samples, from memory the equivalent cost of at least a night’s accommodation;
· during that same trip we spent time in Switzerland and France, visiting a couple of the countries’ best chocolatiers in the process; and
· in 1999 we had a holiday in Tasmania at a time when Maria was finding it difficult to fall pregnant. Interestingly, some time after the mandatory visit to the Cadbury factory, while still in Tassie, Ben was conceived.
Maria loved time with us. “Quality Time” was her primary love language. She thrived when we had any time together, regardless of its duration. We have a tradition each Friday night called “family night” during which we have a relaxed meal while playing a game or watching a DVD. We will feel Maria’s absence at our future nights very deeply.
While her diagnosis was a challenge beyond words (NB. Maria refused to call it an illness), my role as full-time carer throughout this journey allowed us to share so much time and discussions that I’ll cherish forever.
Maria was so proud of, and very quick to sing the praises of her nephews Nick, Tom, Magnus, Luka, and her niece Maggie. “Mia” (her pet name) wanted you kids to know that although she loved you all so very much, her enormous love was only a drop in the ocean compared to the love that Jesus has for each of you.
Maria was also in awe of the faith, courage and undeniable obedience of persecuted Christians. She was also an active financial supporter. This is why we are taking up a collection for “Voice of the Martyrs”. They support followers of Jesus who will not compromise their faith when authorities forbid congregating and evangelising in the name of Christ. If you feel called to join Maria in her passion, please feel free to give any amount (no matter how small) in the “donations” box, located at the back of the church foyer. I know Maria would be grateful.
Maria’s own faith and time with Jesus was at the centre of her life. We often wandered how we would have coped in the face of adversity before coming to faith in Christ. The truth for Maria (and me) is that Jesus died for everyone’s sins and was resurrected to defeat death. Accepting His free gift had set us free. Because of this, I truly know Maria is in “a better place”.
What I love about Maria
Where do I start? I love Maria with every ounce of my being. Maria was a gift from God. She was my best friend, confidant, lover, sister in Christ, and mother of our children. When two people come together they become one flesh. I have a real emptiness as part of me is now missing. She was so naturally beautiful (you’ll see that in the slideshow) she rarely wore make-up. She had an infectious smile. Maria always made time for me, the kids, and anyone else she encountered and genuinely made you feel valued.
Maria was a woman full of humility, affection, purity, and integrity. She never criticised, but loved God, her family and friends with all of her heart. You could see the fruits of the Spirit working in her, i.e. love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Maria and I called each other and our children “Agapimou”, a Greek word meaning “my love”. The term “agape” means “unconditional”, which was the type of love Maria demonstrated. I rarely recall a day in our household where Maria would have not told me at least 10 times that she loved me.
Maria had spiritual maturity beyond her years. She was of strong character and faith, which were both given the ultimate test with her diagnosis. In typical Maria fashion she saw the challenge as an opportunity to build relationships and share her faith in a loving way. Maria touched so many people (many we know, some we don’t). I believe the number of condolence messages and today’s attendance is testimony to that.
Maria was nothing short of courageous throughout this difficult journey. She always proclaimed God’s sovereignty and His love for her. It was an honour to be her partner and walk her Christian journey with her. God’s light always shone brightly through Maria. She remains my main human source of inspiration. I will miss her wise counsel.
It was an honour to have known her for more than half of our lives, and a privilege for me to care for her every day, right up until her final breath.
I loved how Maria encouraged and nurtured the kids. What you see in them today is primarily because of Maria’s love and role modelling. When confined to a wheelchair, she would make me stop her outside the kids’ bedroom doors each night so she could pray over them from a distance, and would do it with such passion. She has left behind a powerful legacy.
As I said before, Maria never asked why she had brain cancer, but rather took it in her stride. She proclaimed that God was sovereign in all situations and realised the purpose for her was to use every opportunity to witness to others. I saw her in action every day here and in Israel. She positively impacted and changed lives. Her life, albeit short, was not in vain.
Every day she would tell me that in her daily Bible readings and studies she sought to be more like Jesus. As a Christian, that in my view is the greatest challenge. Of all the people I know, Maria was the closest to attaining that goal. Her attitude and walk with Christ is summed up in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
…and Maria never failed us.
In the midst of all this upheaval, I have watched Ben and Gabi grow and mature amazingly. They often helped me with Maria’s care in the latter weeks of Maria’s battle. God has really been at work in their hearts.
Ben and Gabi – Mummy loved you very much and was privileged to have you both in her life. I know that she misses you both very much and loved you helping her. When you look back on your times with mummy, I pray that you will remember all the fun, how she loved listening to you, and that she would let Jesus comfort her in his loving arms when times were tough.
Baba and Mama – Words cannot express my love for Maria. Your daughter was so special, like an angel. She loved you both very much. We’ll need a lot of strength to get through each day. As we can’t do this alone, I encourage you to seek the Lord and draw from His strength.
To Effie and Brian
Effie – When Maria spoke of you, her face always lit up. She was an adoring younger sister. Thanks for being a great big sister and for all your support throughout this journey, especially over the last week. Most importantly, thanks for being a sister in Christ who can also see the eternal.
We both have learnt a lot from you and Brian, particularly role modelling your journeys as a genuine brother and sister of faith. Thanks for taking the time to mentor us.
Words don’t adequately describe the love of family and friends and the endless prayer and practical support, which carried us throughout this journey. I don’t want to single out too many people for fear of missing many more. To those both here and overseas, if I haven’t thanked you already you can be sure I will take it upon myself to do so as those opportunities arise.
However, I do have a few “thank you” messages I would like to convey:
· The support of medical staff here and in Israel was second to none, but specifically to Maria’s GP, Oncologist and Neurosurgeon who blessed us with their genuine care and compassion.
· To the staff of Clare Holland House Hospice who showed Maria respect, dignity and gave her the most appropriate end-of-life care.
· Tuggeranong Baptist Church – I had never met Pastor Ian Reid or his staff prior to choosing this location. Thanks for your servant hearts.
· St Matts Anglican Church – where we’ll have afternoon tea after this service. This is not the first time they have supported us. Thanks again!
· Toscan-Dinn Funerals (Wally & Ian) for their care and professionalism. They made a difficult time easier for us.
· Pastor Gary for answering my prayer and leading the services today. If Maria were here she would also voice her gratitude.
· For all of our dear friends and family who have travelled far and wide to be here today. It’s a real blessing to our family.
· Last but not least, to our dear friend Mel. She was with me when Maria left this world. Since then, Mel has provided amazing emotional and practical support to our extended family. I should also extend that thanks to her husband Paul who picked up responsibility for their four boys in Mel’s absence. Thanks. It means a lot.
Finally, how are we coping? The short answer is “sad and lonely.” Words cannot describe what it meant to have her in our lives. When Maria went to be with the Lord, we picked some of the pain she left behind. However, we are grateful that she is in heaven worshipping the Lord. We look forward to the time when the Lord brings us home to be reunited with her for eternity.
I would like to finish with these words from a song called “None But Jesus” by Hillsong United. It had significant Meaning for both Maria and me.
